The latest and possibly greatest!

So now for an update on the latest and greatest developments in the life and times of me...

In the realm of dating:
On a bored whim a little over a month ago I decided to join Match.com. I figured it would be an interesting experiment in the world of dating and give me a new outlet to meet people other than my previously popular meeting spot of bars. Repeat after me, bars are not good places to meet men unless you are looking for emotionally inept and incapable men, or a booty call. Both can have their positive aspects if that is what you are looking for at the time. But, recently I have decided that I needed to embark on the pursuit of finding a "healthy relationship." Whatever that may be.

So back to Match. I started conversing with three guys. One was ruled out quickly being that he was a bit of an egotistical dufus. Not a bad guy, but not my thing. He made good money, but that just doesn't do it for me like it does for some girls. The other two were hard to decide between. i had the choice of the cute, hilarious, redneck (I have a weakness for rednecks), and the hot, art major, ex military guy. So after talking with both of them for a bit, and accidentally slipping and falling on the art guys junk one night I decided it would be in my best interest to pursue the art guy. I shall call him "Jman" for all future references.

I decided on him because he seems to be me with a penis. I mean we have a few differences, of course. But for the most part we see the world in a very similar fashion. This is very rare for me to find anyone who even comes close to understanding my perspective on the world. He is also fantastical in bed. A definite plus in my book. I feel it is a very important part of a relationship.

So that brings me to today, and my major amount of deer caught in headlights terror that I am currently facing and trying to fight.

We have been dating for about 3 weeks now. We did the first date thing with dinner and a movie, then ending up meeting out at a bar slightly intoxicated and sleeping together the next night. Hey, I'm happy I made it past one date! A good record for me!

So far so good. We have a lot of similar interests and share a similar view of the world and it's crazy inhabitants. The problem is that I am so used to dating emotionally non-existant men that I don't know what to do with this one that actually *gasp* has feelings and tells me about them. He also *double big gasp* cares about my happiness and well being!! Sad for me, I had forgotten what this was like. It's kind of nice....

Don't get me wrong, dating emotionally inept men does have its advantages if that is what you are looking for. You can do whatever you want to them pretty much and not feel bad. They have no, or very limited feelings. It's easy. Like splashing in a puddle. You might get damp, but no real damage is done and you cannot drown.

So back to Jman. I have this overwhelming urge on most days to share with him my feelings and secrets. This is not how I roll. It scares the poo out of me. I'm used to keeping myself and my feelings liked behind my nice safe wall o' protection. No feelings means minimal risk. This is a lot of risk for me. It makes me want to run like a cheetah after a wounded buffalo to get away and be back safe. But nothing in life worth having is easy and includes no risk right? At least this is what I keep telling myself. I liked my nice safe wall of protection *pout*. But this is so nice and I am so ridiculously happy that I can't run away. I just hope it stays this way.

What is a free spirited girl to do? I have ventured into unknown territory for me, and I kind of like it. I forgot what it was like to have someone care and worry about you as much as you care and worry about them. I am currently determined to enjoy and relax in the meantime and see where it takes me. The truly scary part is that I think this has real long term potential. But, then again, we are still in that sappy deluded "honeymoon" phase where no one is capable of making sane and rational thoughts or decisions. But damn is it nice to have for once. Maybe I'm actually ready for this instead of the immature relationships I was happy to be having? Scary thoughts.....scary....